“At the end of the day you’re another day older…”- Les Miserable.
It is a song that I usually save for completing housework, but today it made me think about the concept of age and parenting.
When we entered our adoption journey, one of the topics that was addressed in our education session was the idea of revisiting the notion of moving forward. Meaning at each annual renewal, we would review our file, see how many views we had, make any changes we felt appropriate and move forward. The alternative would be to decide to close our file and no longer proceed.
Thinking about this today, it made me start to ponder the notion of at which age will we be “too old” to start a family? Is there a true age, or is it a milestone that we as a couple have to determine.
There are a number of factors that need to be taken into consideration.
You begin to do actuarial mathematical equations that involve assessing your wellness level, stamina and then also calculating your own age at various milestones in your child’s life.
Do you you want to be 65 at their high school graduation? Do you want to be 50 and walking them in to their first day of kindergarten, potentially being mistaken for their grandparent? Will you be able to dance at their wedding without being propped up ? All valid questions.
I googled the question, and found a number of different responses. Most of which dealt mostly with the “ability to conceive” or “viability of your sperm past a certain again”. There were also an incredible number of articles and blogs that celebrated or alternatively criticize older celebrity fathers.
I did find a brief article by Ann Brenoff of The Huffington Post. It was a good reminder that everyone’s situation is different and that it will have to be the right age and right decision for R and I.
My favorite quote from the article;
“Not everybody is ready to parent at 25 or 30. Not everybody should even be a parent — or wants to. And then there are those of us who wanted to create and grow our families by whatever options we had available. You may check your two-cents at the door.”
I guess we’ll know when the time is correct for us, because “at the end of the day you’re another day older”.
robandmeandbabymakes3.wordpress.com 
Hi there. As you may know I’m adopted… In that context I would say that adoptive parents have more responsibility than bio parents in that they come to parenthood consciously. Also that their children will have suffered loss that a bio child has not. In that sense I would say it is worth trying to minimise the risk that you wouldn’t be there to see them grow up (eg not smoking, not being morbidly obese, not being very old) but all those things are not under your ultimate control. Some people die young, and some people who indulge in risk taking activities live to an old age. You just can’t tell. So I think yes, try and stick around for as long as possible. But also, try and be the best parents possible! You can’t really account for every possibility – you can only try and minimise risks.
My parents were “old” by the time they adopted us. And then (like ye olde adoption cliché) had two of “their own”. So it’s not that straightforward to fit into guidelines. You can only do the best you can, in the knowledge that any kids you adopt will have more to deal with (by virtue of being adopted) so trying to be sensitive to that.
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Mari, I just followed your blog. I appreciate your perspective on being an adoptee as my daughters are adopted. My oldest is starting to ask questions (she is almost nine) and I am struggling to answer them honestly and age-appropriately. They were adopted through foster care so you can see the major root of my problem. Anyway, I am grateful for the Internet and social media so I can learn more about how to help my daughters.
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Thank you for following my blog. 🙂
I’ve only read a few posts so I don’t know much about your adoption journey, which includes what route you are taking to adopt. My daughters are adopted from the foster care system and if that is not the route you and your husband are taking, I’d be more than happy to chat with you about it. (There are a lot of preconceived, incorrect notions about children from foster care.) If you’d like to connect in that regard, leave a message on the “About Me” part of my blog and/or contact me on social media; all my links are on my blog.
I wish you the best of luck towards creating a family!
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